I was in my previous position, employed in the beauty industry with all the glitz and glam of softly filtered lights and airbrushed perfection. Creating products geared towards making people’s outward appearances look prim and polished. Coming up with creative campaigns to increase brand identity and sales. That’s the nature of an E-com beauty business and I was totally on board with it, just bored with it.
When you are employed by someone else, it’s a give-and-take relationship. You harness your education, experience, ideas, talent, long hours, into profitable work, and in exchange, you receive a paycheck. Seems fair right? It is. But, there was a point in my career where I started feeling slightly possessive over my intellectual property and I hit an impenetrable ceiling both financially and growth-wise, and I thought- is this it?
No way. That wasn’t it. I knew there were more businesses to be birthed and brands to be built. Fast forward to launching my own Branding Agency with my partner 4 years ago. Instead of using all my creative juices for just one brand, I got to expand and squeeze it into multiple brands. This lit me up! Now we're talking! I get to help not just one, but multiple entrepreneurs grow their businesses through creative initiatives. I broke through the barrier and grew, but low and behold, that sneaky question reared its indecisive head – is this it?
About 2 years or so ago, that persistent question “is this it?” played on repeat in not only my mind, but my soul. Why was I asking such an ungrateful question when I had a kick-ass business with my Bestie and a roster of the most amazing clients? Am I just not appreciating the gifts in front of me? Or maybe I’m not easily satiated, and I need to take on more clients? Yes -maybe that would do it?
Nope.
More new fabulous clients that I love working with came, but I was still swatting at that now pesky question-
Is this it?
Hmmm, what does that question even mean anyway?
Do I want more money? – yes, of course. That would actually solve a lot of stress in my life, but it wasn’t the answer to “is this it?”
It was deeper.
Do I want to move somewhere else? No way – I love the desert, even in the heat hell of the Summer. It’s pure magic the rest of the year.
Ok then, do I not want to build brands anymore? – I think I would truly miss it if I wasn’t doing this, so that’s not it.
Do I want more purpose? – ding ding ding! YES! Oh my goodness Kimmy Joy, that’s it!
Is this it? means I am looking for a more purpose-driven life! Ah-ha!
Hello purpose, where are you?
I searched for the answers in books, podcasts, social media, other people who looked like they had it figured out; I searched everywhere. But nothing. No clear trace of purpose to be found.
Meanwhile, the world shut down (covid), people became more divided, and I became disenchanted. I stopped looking outward because quite frankly, I was totally disgusted with what was going on out there. I was one of the ones who stayed locked down, and I don’t think it was solely due to the possible repercussions of the pandemic. I think it was also because I just didn’t want to deal with chaotic energy beyond my four walls.
Dramatic? No, I’m an empath and I was numb after all the outside noise I was consuming. And that wasn’t the only thing that lost sensation, my left hand suddenly lost feeling too.
Long journey, and separate story blog short, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. It rocked me to my core. Every fear flashed before my eyes, all my future plans faded away, and my internal world as I knew it was completely obliterated. How the heck can I have MS and what does this mean for me?
Amongst my grieving process, and the zillion questions and thoughts that ticker-taped my mind, I wondered - will I still be able to work? And if so, how long? How am I going to balance an unpredictable disease and stay on schedule with life?
I knew I had to filter my thoughts into a funnel, one daunting reflection at a time, so I could sort it all out. I began writing. Every day. And every day, that writing eventually developed into a journal that helped me gather all my feelings, both physically & emotionally, and get my mind into a less cluttered space. It allowed me to clear out my fears, day by day, and find peace in my diagnosis. It allowed me to start the healing process.
You know what else it allowed me to reveal?
The answer to “is this it?” and the discovery of my purpose.
The Universe listens. I literally begged it to give me purpose. Wow! Well, here it is. I’m supposed to have MS so that I can truly help others in a deeper way.
This world needs immeasurable amounts of love and healing, and I now know why I’m so incredibly sensitive to the outside terrane. The foundation is broken, and it challenges and threatens my soul’s purpose. It feels like a war zone, and I want to lend aid to those that are hurt.
My lens on life is now grounded. Rooted in the mission of healing. I’ve unearthed this unwavering desire to create something bigger than me out of my MS. It’s a calling, and I hear it loud and clear.
Getting a life-changing diagnosis changes your entire perspective. If you’ve gone through something similar, you know. If you know someone who has had to deal with serious illness, you’ve heard. If you don’t know, you can imagine. Tomorrow isn’t promised. For anyone.
Finding out the Universe’s answer to “is this it?” definitely came at a price, but the gift is far greater than the cost. I also know on my difficult MS days, I may not always be so amenable to that statement, but I have my soul-led purpose, this community & my journal, The Daily Healing, to lean on when they happen.
I’m proud to say that my work has started, and The Daily Healing journal is currently in development.
With all the love,
Kimmy Joy
